Goodness...how long has been since the last post?

Been tossing around the fact that I couldn’t make it for Hillsong Concert. While I had legitimate reasons (quarantine and potentially-killer-OCIP-camp-which-was-postponed-last-minute), it now seems like a flimsy excuse. Presenting exhibits A and B: JTsy and Ek. The former was quarantined AND had OCIP camp, the latter just OCIP camp. But they went anyway. Evidently, my spiritual enthusiasm is not as robust as theirs. For better or for worse, I don’t seem to mind. Maybe because of how my parents raised me up, I always thought of God as a brutally fair judge, but having infinite grace nonetheless. He metes out exactly what one deserves, whether now or in the future. No sin, however small, goes unpunished, and no kind act, however anonymous, goes unrewarded. When he strikes down on sinners, he strikes hard and sure, and its always scary to watch. But he always leaves you a way out to repent and change. I messed up academically, and he dished out what I deserved. But he saw fit to remind me that he was always nearby, around the corner, by placing me in mission schools. Its as if he’s constantly telling me that he’s there to help me out of the hole I dug, that he’s actually IN the hole with me. Brutally fair, infinite grace.

Which is probably why I seldom subscribe to all these prosperity themes in worship. Yes, God will grant you bountiful blessings, help you when you’re down and out, protect you etc. But he also demands a code of conduct, a path of discipleship, and failing to do so will have consequences, immediate and long-term. And simply waiting for him to pick you up isn’t going to work. He saw fit to give us freewill, letting us make the final choice when we choose to sin. He’ll also see to it that, come crunch time, it’s up to us to repent and change as well. Hahaha! I guess that’s why I’m not cut out for youth ministries…Not a lot of sunshine in my views.

Xiangan blogged about being a lone wolf (yes, that’s how far I’ve fallen behind times). I share that exact same feeling. Morning worship is both a bittersweet experience, sweet because I get to spend time with God, (kind of) bitter because I’m reminded that I don’t belong to any other conversational/interest groups other than the Jo-Ker group (comprising of me and X only). I prefer to talk to people one-to-one, instead of in a group, where I just clamp up. Even then, there’s not an abundant number of people who share my interests. With girls, our common ground is zilch. (Other than Celine, who shares some common interest in Japanese music) With guys….I dropped out of the anime and manga forum, so that’s out. Computer games, yes, but how much can you talk about that? And ever since WPCW and TWF went off, I’ve no one to talk to about drawing. W40k….nearly no one in SAJC knows about it. Cooking….not unless I was REALLY desperate for a conversational topic. Books…never tried. Studies…an unfortunately precious minority, not to mention it’s a dry, DRY conversation. Theology…starts arguments and makes me look pretentious. Miniatures…sad, sad few. Military stuff…so far only Xiangan. And I don’t like to discuss that openly in front of others, because they’ll think I’m some sort of sad, gun otaku junkie. History…never tried either.

I guess I am an old, boring fart? Hahaha! And my mum thinks that I spend my whole day in school hooking up girls. She evidently finds me more interesting than they do.